Resources
For something lighter
SCM’er Robert Tulip has circulated the following quotes of
children’s comments on a number of bible passages. I hope you find them
enlightening. (They do not necessarily express official SCM viewpoints!)
The following statements about the Bible were written by
children. (The spelling has been left intact.)
- In the first book of the bible, Guinessis. God got tired
of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.
- Adam and Eve were created from an Apple tree.
- Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark and
the animals came on in pears.
- Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball
of fire during the night.
- The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they
had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.
- Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a
Jezebel like Delilah.
- Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the
Apostles.
- Moses led the Jews to the Red sea where they made
unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
- The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards,
Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.
- The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat
theapple.
- The seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
- Moses died before he ever reached Canada . Then Joshua led
the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
- The greates miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his
son to stand still and he obeyed him.
- David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the
liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in
bibical times.
- Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700
porcupines.
- When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the
Magna Carta.
- When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they
found Jesus in the manager.
- Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
- St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
- Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do unto
others before they do one to you. He also explained, a man doth not
live by sweat alone.
- It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed
to get the tombstone off the entrance.
- The people who followed the lord were called the 12
decibels.
- The epistels were the wives of the apostals.
- One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a
taximan.
- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy
acrimony, which is another name for marraige.
